i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Still dying that you shit outside
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
