I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize