Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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