allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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