you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize