Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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