i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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