I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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