If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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