Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
