so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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