Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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