I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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