his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
