i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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