I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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