all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
