the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
