I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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