the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
