i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
