so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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