what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Life is so much better after having sex.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
