but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
