Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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