dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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