sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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