Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
