The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
