Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
