I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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