So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
