Cold hands, warm shart.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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