I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
