ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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