he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He better not be in your backpack
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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