i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
