it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize