she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
