Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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