no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
