Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
