I feel great
I just peed on a car
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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