Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
