Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
