Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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