There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
