Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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