It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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