he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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