My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
