guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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