I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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