I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
