I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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