this beer tastes like vomit already
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
