i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
