just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
