guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
