Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
from now on my penis is your penis
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize