I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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