There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Never joke about your clitoris.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
