worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize