I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
home. puking in laundry basket.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
