i need an iv and a liver transplant
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
