Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
