dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
