I need to stop coming to work sober
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
