when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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