It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
