I can tuck mytits in my pants
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
