Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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