i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We have so much sex to catch up on
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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