Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
