Yo dont text me then not text me
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
