At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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