At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize
