ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
